The Last Watch

At the high-tide of night, when the first breath of dawn came upon the

wind, the Forerunner, he who calls himself echo to a voice yet unheard,

left his bed-chamber and ascended to the roof of his house. Long he

stood and looked down upon the slumbering city. Then he raised his head,

and even as if the sleepless spirits of all those asleep had gathered

around him, he opened his lips and spoke, and he said:

“My friends and my neighbours and you who daily pass my gate, I would

speak to you in your sleep, and in the valley of your dreams I would

walk naked and unrestrained; far heedless are your waking hours and deaf

are your sound-burdened ears.

“Long did I love you and overmuch.

“I love the one among you as though he were all, and all as if you were

one. And in the spring of my heart I sang in your gardens, and in the

summer of my heart I watched at your threshing-floors.

“Yea, I loved you all, the giant and the pigmy, the leper and the

anointed, and him who gropes in the dark even as him who dances his days

upon the mountains.

“You, the strong, have I loved, though the marks of your iron hoofs are

yet upon my flesh; and you the weak, though you have drained my faith

and wasted my patience.

“You the rich have I loved, while bitter was your honey to my mouth; and

you the poor, though you knew my empty-handed shame.

“You the poet with the barrowed lute and blind fingers, you have I loved

in self indulgence; and you the scholar, ever gathering rotted shrouds

in potters’ fields.

“You the priest I have loved, who sit in the silences of yesterday

questioning the fate of my tomorrow; and you the worshippers of gods the

images of your own desires.

“You the thirsting woman whose cup is ever full, I have loved you in

understanding; and you the woman of restless nights, you too I have

loved in pity.

“You the talkative have I loved, saying, ‘Life hath much to say’; and

you the dumb have I loved, whispering to myself, ‘Says he not in silence

that which I fain would hear in words?’

“And you the judge and the critic, I have loved also; yet when you have

seen me crucified, you said, ‘He bleeds rhythmically, and the pattern

his blood makes upon his white skin is beautiful to behold.’

“Yea, I have loved you all, the young and the old, the trembling reed

and the oak.

“But alas! it was the over-abundance of my heart that turned you from

me. You would drink love from a cup, but not from a surging river. You

would hear love’s faint murmur, but when love shouts you would muffle

your ears.

“And because I have loved you all you have said, ‘Too soft and yielding

is his heart, and too undiscerning is his path. It is the love of a

needy one, who picks crumbs even as he sits at kingly feasts. And it is

the love of a weakling, for the strong loves only the strong.’

“And because I have loved you overmuch you have said, ‘It is but the

love of a blind man who knows not the beauty of one nor the ugliness of

another. And it is the love of the tasteless who drinks vinegar even as

wine. And it is the love of the impertinent and the overweening, for

what stranger could be our mother and father and sister and brother?’

“This you have said, and more. For often in the marketplace you pointed

your fingers at me and said mockingly, ‘There goes the ageless one, the

man without seasons, who at the noon hour plays games with our children

and at eventide sits with our elders and assumes wisdom and

understanding.’

“And I said ‘I will love them more. Aye, even more. I will hide my love

with seeming to hate, and disguise my tenderness as bitterness. I will

wear an iron mask, and only when armed and mailed shall I seek them.’

“Then I laid a heavy hand upon your bruises, and like a tempest in the

night I thundered in your ears.

“From the housetop I proclaimed you hypocrites, pharisees, tricksters,

false and empty earth-bubbles.

“The short-sighted among you I cursed for blind bats, and those too near

the earth I likened to soulless moles.

“The eloquent I pronounced fork-tongued, the silent, stone-lipped, and

the simple and artless I called the dead never weary of death.

“The seekers after world knowledge I condemned as offenders of the holy

spirit and those who would naught but the spirit I branded as hunters of

shadows who cast their nets in flat waters and catch but their own

images.

“Thus with my lips have I denounced you, while my heart, bleeding within

me, called you tender names.

“It was love lashed by its own self that spoke. It was pride half slain

that fluttered in the dust. It was my hunger for your love that raged

from the housetop, while my own love, kneeling in silence, prayed your

forgiveness.

“But behold a miracle!

“It was my disguise that opened your eyes, and my seeming to hate that

woke your hearts.

“And now you love me.

“You love the swords that strike you and the arrows that crave your

breast. For it comforts you to be wounded and only when you drink of

your own blood can you be intoxicated.

“Like moths that seek destruction in the flame you gather daily in my

garden: and with faces uplifted and eyes enchanted you watch me tear the

fabric of your days. And in whispers you say the one to the other, ‘He

sees with the light of God. He speaks like the prophets of old. He

unveils our souls and unlocks our hearts, and like the eagle that knows

the way of foxes he knows our ways.’

“Aye, in truth, I know your ways, but only as an eagle knows the ways of

his fledglings. And I fain would disclose my secret. Yet in my need for

your nearness I feign remoteness, and in fear of the ebbtide of your

love I guard the floodgates of my love.”

After saying these things the Forerunner covered his face with his hands

and wept bitterly. For he knew in his heart that love humiliated in its

nakedness is greater than love that seeks triumph in disguise; and he

was ashamed.

But suddenly he raised his head, and like one waking from sleep he

outstretched his arms and said, “Night is over, and we children of night

must die when dawn comes leaping upon the hills; and out of our ashes a

mightier love shall rise. And it shall laugh in the sun, and it shall be

deathless.”